Well its NYE, i should be excited to party like the rest of the world. But no, I'm secretly dreading it. Nearly every new year I have got smashed and made a complete fool of myself. I was meant to go to Abbie's again tonight for NYE drinks but after the other night I'm not sure its the best idea, I can't remember the end but just storming off drunk livid with Abbie's fella. I felt he'd been making little digs at me all night and i ended up having a drunken screaming match with his mate then Paul - Abbie's fella told me to get out (so I've been told) so i did, sobbing my eyes out like a baby & after calling him names. God why do i always end up making a complete tit of myself, why cant i just have an enjoyable night like most normal adults do. Feel a bit embarrassed about going back there if I'm honest.
Sat on the sofa all day yesterday feeling over anxious. I've wasted so many days sitting around in my pj's on the sofa watching Judge Judy or whatever else is on daytime TV, i think i should clean up and get dressed now. Then think some more about what I'm going to do tonight.
Time to turn the music up!
It's now 4pm, I've sorted things with Abbie, although still cringing about going back tonight. And my mum is staying in on her own :( Do I really leave my mum indoors alone on NYE? Abbie keeps asking if I'm coming to hers and I was meant to be going another friends party. I hate this, what ever I end up doing I'm going to feel guilty to someone either way.
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